I’ve had so many kind messages, tweets and comments lately asking if I’m okay because I’ve been pretty quiet for a while.
I felt like I owed you all a post explaining what’s up..
I’m not well at the moment, my panic attacks have come back with a vengeance I’m having at least 5 a day and they just creep up on me I’m not getting any warnings at all and they’re all really bad ones too.
I’ve been having nightmares too really vivid nightmares every night for almost a month now so I’m not sleeping properly which means I’m generally just too exhausted to function properly.
My weight has plummeted too and at my monthly weigh in this week they told me that I have to gain weight otherwise the doctors are going to intervene. I’m 46kg / 7 stone and I’m 5ft8 so I’m pretty underweight for my height. It’s scary because I have been eating I’m just losing weight due to the stress of everything I mentioned above I guess.
It’s a vicious circle because I’m worrying about losing weight which will probably cause me to lose more weight.. And well you see what I mean!
My grandad is still really sick too so that’s a constant worry for me and I’m under loads of pressure in work too so generally speaking it’s all a bit horrible right now!
I love you all though, I haven’t forgotten about you and I really am grateful for all of your messages of love and support it means so much more to me than I’ll ever be able to convey.
I haven’t been posting because I’ve not wanted to put out loads of posts moaning about how crap I feel so I thought it best to stay quiet until I was feeling more positive.
I know you guys like to hear about my panic attacks and stuff but lately I find it hard to talk about them without feeling like I’m moaning and really who wants to read a post like that every day?!
I love you all though and as requested by a hell of a lot of you I’ll be doing blogmas this December but I’ll do my best to get some posts up before then too!
I’m really sorry for the silence but I hope that you understand why. Don’t ever think for one second that I forgot about you all because I didn’t!
Thank you again for all of your support you’re all truly amazing.