I feel like I owe you all a little explanation because the last post that I put up about drawing a line under everything was a bit vague and confusing..
Do you ever just reach a point in your life where you think I’m not okay with where I’m heading so I’m going to change it and then go on to make some drastic changes in your life?
Yeah, that happened to me recently.
I’ve spent so much time lately re-evaluating my life and my future and I’ve also been looking a lot at how my past still has quite a hold over me and my future and I realised that I’m really not okay with that at all.
I started trying to figure out how to go about making the changes so that I can head in the direction I want to and also how to stop the things that still upset and affect me from my past affecting my future too.
I’ve done an awful lot of crying and angry exercise and writing too and then I started to wonder if maybe those people that say happiness is a choice are right? Maybe I do need to CHOOSE to be happy in order to start being happier and letting go of everything else that makes me unhappy? Because maybe I’m subconciously choosing to hold onto certain parts of my past that really don’t need to be held onto..
So I made a decision, where possible I have got rid of the negative influences on me and my life and I’m choosing to be happy.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying HOORAH I suddenly feel amazing and like I’ve never had a care in the world, I don’t.
What I’m saying is I’m trying out a new way of thinking to see whether or not it does help and whether or not the people that say happiness is a choice are actually right.
It might work or it might not but really what’s the harm in trying it?
I feel like I’m at the right point in my life to make that change. It’s time for me to take back control of my life and head in the direction that I want to go in and not let anything or anyone stand in my way, I’ve had it with people and things trying to mess my life up and all of the negative influences that have been circling like vultures in my mind.
This is my life and I’m doing things my way from now on!
I don’t feel like any of this is making sense but I really feel like I just need to let the words happen with this post because well I’ve been trying to write a ‘proper’ post about all of this for about 3 hours now and it just doesn’t sound right.
But basically what I’m trying to say is. I’m making the choice to be happy. I’m making some life altering changes, there’s a lot of new things happening, I’m taking my blog in my new hopefully happy direction and I’m drawing a line under everything that’s happened and saying good bye to all of the negativity, the hurt and the upset with a massive FUCK YOU. And I’m living my life.
Or something like that.
ARGH I can’t find the words for my feelings and it’s so frustrating.
Hopefully you understand, if you don’t then that’s okay because I’ll probably read this later on and I won’t understand it either.
I’m making the choice to be happy
I’m taking my blog in a hopefully happier direction although the content will still be the same sort of stuff it’s always been, just happier. (hands up who made the none existent content joke cause I’ve not blogged for a while..)
I’m making life changing changes to my life.
I want this to be the day / the post I look back on and say THAT is the day it all changed for the better
Although I know for a fact I’m just going to look back on this post and be like “HOW MUCH COFFEE DID I DRINK THAT DAY?!” – future self it was about 6 cups.
I don’t know why I’m bulletpointing.
I do know that I love you guys though!
Okay enough of this nonsensical ramblings.
I love you all!
If you made it to the end of this post then you deserve a medal. I do feel better for just letting the words happen though.
Thanks for reading!