I’ve been feeling really emotional tonight thinking about my grandad and just how cruel Alzheimer’s really is.
I wrote my grandad a letter, he won’t understand it even if I read it to him so I thought I’d share it on my blog to see if anyone else can relate.
If you want to talk comment down below or tweet me @MissCharlotteEm
I’m feeling really sad at the moment because I have all of these amazing things happening in my life and I wish you could see it all because I know you’d be so proud.
I know I can tell you over and over again and you’ll politely smile and say well done but you don’t know, you don’t even know who it am anymore and even though I’ve watched you slowly forget me along with everything else over the last few years it still breaks my heart.
That’s the cruel thing about Alzheimer’s, mentally you’ve left us but physically you’re still here and it’s hard because I feel like I never got to to say goodbye or thank you for everything you’ve ever done for me,
I’m grieving for a man who’s still alive, but it’s not the man I’ve known all my life you’re just a shadow of the man you once were,
I just want you to know that I’ll never stop loving you no matter what happens I’ll always remember you as the man you once were, the best grandad I could’ve ever hoped for,
I wish you understood all of this when I tell you but I know that you don’t. They weren’t kidding when they said that Alzheimer’s is the long goodbye, but I don’t want to say goodbye,
I’d give everything to cure your Alzheimer’s even if it was just for a day just so things can go back to normal and be as they should be if only for a little while.
I wish you could see how big Lily and Sabrina are getting now too, they’re growing up so fast. It’s heartbreaking to think that the main memories that they’ll have of you are as you are now.
I feel truly blessed to have grown up with you and to have had all of the amazing times that you, grandma and I had.
I just want to say thank you for everything, I know that without you I wouldn’t be where I am today and I certainly wouldn’t be the person I am today.
I love you sincerely with all of my heart.